5 Ways to Find Happiness and Meaning in Life’s Unexpected Turns
Life rarely goes as planned, and when things shift unexpectedly, it can be hard, especially if you are somebody who has their “life plan” all figured out. This is especially true for those of us who set high expectations for ourselves and find it difficult to adapt when reality doesn’t match up to our expectation. High expectations and perfectionism can add extra pressure, making change harder to cope with because we’re often invested in specific outcomes.
When things unexpected or life altering happen, it can feel like life might never be good again. But when we hold tightly to what "should have been," we create a rigid narrative that limits our ability to adjust. The truth is, flexibility allows us to not only survive changes but thrive in them. Below are five tips for finding meaning and happiness when life doesn’t go as planned:
1. Allow yourself to grieve the life you thought you might have
Grieving the life you thought you’d have is essential for emotional healing and growth. Grief isn’t just for when someone dies—it applies to any significant life change or unmet expectation. Whether it’s a missed opportunity, a relationship that didn’t work out, a medical diagnosis, or simply realizing life hasn’t turned out how you imagined, it’s important to acknowledge and mourn those losses. Allowing yourself to grieve honors your emotions and helps you process the sadness or disappointment instead of suppressing it. By giving yourself permission to feel these emotions, you release the grip of “what could have been,” creating space for healing and new possibilities. Ignoring grief can leave you feeling stuck or resentful, but embracing it helps you move forward with greater peace. Grieving is not about giving up on dreams; it’s an act of self-compassion, a necessary part of letting go and making room for what is to come.
2. Practice radical acceptance
Practicing radical acceptance means fully acknowledging and embracing where you are right now, even if it’s not what you had envisioned or hoped for. Often, when faced with a difficult situation, we instinctively resist or fight against reality, hoping to change what cannot be changed. When we refuse to accept reality, we remain stuck in a cycle of frustration, regret, and denial, which prevents us from moving forward. This resistance creates additional suffering, as we struggle not only with the challenge itself but also with our frustration over how things “should” be. Radical acceptance, however, invites you to let go of that inner conflict. It’s about saying, “I may not agree with or like what’s happened, but this is my reality right now.” Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re approving of the situation; it simply means you’re acknowledging it as part of your current journey. By doing so, you can release the resistance and approach your challenges with a clearer, calmer mindset. Radical acceptance shifts your focus from wishing things were different to recognizing what is. This shift can be incredibly freeing because it allows you to stop wasting energy fighting the unchangeable and instead channel that energy into actions that align with your present circumstances. Acceptance creates space for solutions, healing, and growth.
3. Focus on what is going well and the small moments in life
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by what’s going wrong in life, but shifting your focus to what’s going well—no matter how small—can offer a sense of calm and perspective. Whether it’s a kind word from a friend, a moment of laughter, or even just enjoying a good cup of tea or coffee, these small moments hold value. By paying attention to the positives, however minor they may seem, you create space for gratitude, which can uplift your mood and help you feel more grounded. Life is often found in the details, and sometimes it’s those seemingly mundane moments that keep us connected to the present. Romanticizing the little things—the warmth of the sun, a quiet evening, or the joy of a favorite hobby—can remind us that peace and contentment are accessible even in challenging times. By focusing on what’s going well, you’re nurturing a mindset that embraces both the struggles and the joys of life, fostering resilience along the way.
4. Re-define what a meaningful and fulfilling life looks like for you
Just because life didn’t unfold the way you planned doesn’t mean you can’t create a meaningful and fulfilling path forward. When things don’t go as expected, it’s an opportunity to pause and reevaluate what truly matters. Ask yourself: What brings me joy now? What are my priorities in this new chapter? Life’s twists and turns can offer valuable insights, allowing you to shape a new narrative that aligns with who you are today. Instead of clinging to past expectations, give yourself permission to embrace change and redefine your vision of fulfillment. The challenges and unexpected detours you face can actually bring clarity to what you really want in life, even if it looks different from what you once imagined. It’s important to recognize that fulfillment isn’t found in sticking rigidly to a specific plan—it’s about adapting and aligning with what feels meaningful to you now. By redefining what a fulfilling life looks like based on your current reality, you open yourself up to new possibilities, growth, and a deeper sense of purpose. It is still 100% possible to create a life worth living, even when things turn out unexpected.
5. Avoid comparing your journey to others
Avoiding comparison is crucial for maintaining peace and self-acceptance. Comparison often leads to unnecessary dissatisfaction and frustration because it makes us focus on what we perceive as lacking in our own lives. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and we rarely see the full picture of someone else’s struggles or challenges—especially when it comes to social media, where people tend to share only the highlights. Measuring your worth or progress against a curated version of someone else’s life only sets you up for disappointment. Your path is your own, and it’s okay if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s. Trust in your own growth, even if it feels slower or different from those around you. Progress is not about matching someone else’s timeline but about moving forward in your own way. What matters most is that you continue to take steps, no matter how small, toward your goals. By focusing on your personal journey, you can celebrate your own achievements and find contentment in your unique path.
When life doesn’t go as planned, it’s natural to feel off-balance, especially if you're someone who holds yourself to high expectations and plans. However, learning to be flexible and adjusting those expectations can open up space for unexpected growth and new opportunities. By allowing yourself to grieve, practicing radical acceptance, focusing on what’s going well, redefining your goals, and avoiding comparison, you’ll be better equipped to handle life’s inevitable twists and turns. You can still build a life of purpose and meaning—even when it takes a different shape than you imagined. The key is to remain hopeful, flexible, and compassionate with yourself through the process.
